Do birthday ever stop being the reminder of what you haven’t got.

I don’t mean present I mean more than that.

Another year slips by and what do we have to show for it?

This is a question I have ask my self a number of times not just today but throughout this last week.

So far I’m not liking the answers. I’m not liking the evidence before me as I delay my return home, alone, this evening . I find my self driving along a long road tears rolling down my face as the thought of walking through the door sends shivers down my spine.

Is it too much to want to have a reason to go home?

Surely this is what everyone wants.

So once again I find my self uttering those words “I’d never imagined my  life like this at this age”. Childless and empty. People who are friends not really wanting to be with you but doing so out of pitty. To be honest I’d really rather they didn’t bother.

So here’s to another year… Of what exactly I’ve no idea. And quite frankly if last year is anything to go by I think I’m probably better off not knowing.

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Sometimes life sucks!!!!!

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The week before the weekend

Wow, can’t belive how little I’ve written on my blog recently.

Its been a funny old week really. What with still struggling with my cold, my little cutie being in hospital having her tonsils out, another of my slightly bigger cutie coming down with the nasty cold an ailing father whose health appears to be struggling somewhat. All this alongside my new job in school and individual teaching, chasing publishers to get my book finalised and taking my mother shopping! It’s all happening. My tonsilectomy princess struggling with the whole taking meds, hasn’t actually taken any painkiller since her release from the hospital. This child has the most amazing pain thresh hold. However she does look so frail and sickly its a worry. Why she was release from hospital with a hight temp and racing heart beggars belief really she’s probably better off at home. This I don’t think excuses the release of children from hospital who are clearly not well. On the day she was sent home my sister, bless her as if her life isn’t hard enough had to drag her daughter along to the doctors surgery to be given the antibiotics she should have been given when she left the hospital. Unbelievable. I have to say I’m not about sprawling institutions whether they are medical or educational, bigger definitely isn’t better. It just doesn’t work. |We only have to look at schools with increasing numbers or hospitals which are merged from smaller community resources to larger sprawling facilities just don’t work. No-one knows what the other one is doing. There is no sense of community or caring. Everyone is just trying to do what they can but know there are not enough resources to do it well. Staff aren’t bad or uncaring just run of there feet. Whoever had the idea to locate all women’s and children’s health care on one sight clearly didn’t think it through very well. So as a result we have small children release from hospital after operations without the necessary medication or information and women with potential life threatening conditions left in limbo awaiting results which just never arrive… And this is better… For who I ask?

My mood is lighter than it has been in a long while. My tensions easing (slightly), Almost evident in my relaxed demeena when out with friends on Friday. I actually had a good time and felt happier than I’d felt in a long while.

I know much of my happiness is as a result of the potential future within my reach. I future filled with the pitter patter of little feet. granted we are still in the VERY early stages of the planning process. But I’ve got a good feeeling about it a really good feeling about it. I’ve looked at the possible process and  I plan it right a prediction I was given earlier in the year could well be accurate. A young lady who had been lodging with me for a number of months and became a good friend. Believe she has a gift to read the future. Of this I was a little sceptical but so much of what she said was so bloody accurate, it was impossible to ignore. Well my friend predicted I would have a health baby in 2012. So as I say if things go according to plan I could have a healthy baby in 2012.

And its this hope of a future that brings me such joy. This and the fact that I’ve gotten through a few weeks now without any major disasters.

It’s strange really because I don’t remember thinking that’s it I’m going to be happy. In fact I felt quite tired when I went out on Friday. I’d planned on staying only a short while when I left the house. Somehow I managed to stay to the end of the night. Not only that I danced the night a way in our local. Anyone would think I was completely sossled ! Alas not a chance. two bacardi and cokes that was it. It wasn’t that I’d had a drink It was more than that. It’s like something just switched. Its kind of difficult to explain. But really that doesn’t matter, I just feel more like my old self And that I love.

It’s amazing how when a few things, little things can change he way you feel so dramatically. How a little hope can go a long way.

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simply books and more

Today I spent the afternoon at a lovely book shop ‘Simply Books’. Is a quaint little book shop in a small village in Cheshire. Its the tiniest little place spread over two levels. Selling beautiful books alongside exquisite tea, coffee and home-made cakes. Just delicious.

It was so peaceful as we sat and chatted about all things girlie… Well maybe not all things girlie. Still array of fanciful books and gifts surrounding us lead to discuss the up and coming festive season.

I’d always loved christmas. The preparation, the school shows the choir singing, the presents the smiles I loved it all but I don’t know the last year or so I just find it well I don’t know lonely, sad… I want to enjoy it just feels like somethings missing. This year I really need to try very hard to enjoy it. Maybe that’s it I just need to try harder!

After a lovely afternoon I popped into my school, oh that sounds good. And you know I was actually happy to pop in. And oddly am looking forward to tomorrow. I think I’m liking this. which is amazing after the start I had last week, nightmare cold, troublesome teens who knew I wasn’t doing so great fireworks in he corridor then a fight. But everyone was so nice I like that. The thing I’m certainly liking the most though not having to fly out of the door at 3 o’clock pick up from school. I never thought I’d say that either. I really missed it in September. Standing in the playground waiting for my little treasure to come out swinging his bag. I really missed it.

After leaving school armed with all I need to make tomorrow run smoothly (I wish). Heading for the local gym to arrange a visit for my year 11 my head swimming with the possibilities of events and guest speakers I can bring in to make class more engaging for the students. I’m so looking forward to it.

  So far so good I’m thinking until I settle myself on the sofa to watch a bit of TV. I’ve been watching back episodes of One Tree Hill on On demand. It’s great because I like something on while I’m working I find it easier to remain focused when I’ve got something to watch while working. Crazy I know I think it comes from growing up in a noisy house. Either that or the fact I have a concentration span of like two seconds!!!

Anyway as I was saying I’d been happily watching One Tree hill and had like two episodes left of the whole series and its gone nowhere to be found on my TV. AGHHHHHHHHHH I can’t bloody believe it. Two bloody episodes!

So nothing to watch.

Oh well sky news it is and an early night I’ve got an early start tomorrow.


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Its late

Where to begin. You could be forgiven for thinking there might be something juicy or interesting to write about today but really there isn’t well it wasn’t totally boring it just wasn’t like totally out there either.

The day started with a storytime session at my sisters playgroup. It was… Fun, yeah I enjoyed it despite struggling to talk with my croaky voice, hacking cough and snuffly nose.

I have to say it’s kind of interesting reading to a bunch of littlies between 1 and 3 years of age. There are the ones to young to sit for more than a nano second. The ones who want to be right up front but not allowing anyone else to see. Then there are the ones who are totally engaged in the story. So my session at the playgroup was rather short but most enjoyable.

My afternoon umm not much to report I’m afraid. Can’t actually tell you where the time went but went it did. Actually that’s not strictly true that call I was hoping to et yesterday I got today. And do you know it made me smile. So yeah my afternoon was good. NO better than good. Because we talked and it was , well it was relaxed, I think. And you know what every time I speak to my friend I feel like I know him a little bit more. Which is a bit strange because I feel like I know him.I feel this connection. He feels it too. I know it. It was there from day one.  Not often I connect like that to anyone. I just don’t. So this afternoon was good. I got to chat to my friend.

And I did make dinner sassy salmon topped with honey and mustard… Delicious.

Then I made arrangement to meet the future father of my baby. Although it won’t be for another week or so as hes off on holiday for a week. I have thought about nothing else, ok so maybe I have but the possibility of a ne baby has certainly most definitely been in the forefront of my mind. Today I took the steps to confirm this was something I am seriously thinking about. Actually in my head its on a dead cert. Sometimes things happen for a reason and this I think is one of those times.

This evening, after spending a little quality time with a very special  little man in my life I settle down for a quiet evening thing maybe I’d have a bath or an early night. Nothing special just chill.

Oh what I forgot from this afternoon is after reading an email from my friend in the USA I came up with an idea for my children’s book range. So this evening I created the initial draft of that idea. It’s about a little girl who likes to ‘watch’ everything but doesn’t like to join in.  The story sees the character take on a very important role and very much rise to the occasion… This is however a very sketchy brief of the plot. That whole can I trust should I trust raises its head again. Although looking at the stats from my site I don’t think I have much to worry about but you just never know and I wouldn’t like to take any chances. I mean I spent like the whole night and looking at the time we are talking the whole night so maybe to be a tad causious is no bad thing!!

So there we have it an oddly uneventful but strangely eventful day in my life.

On a very very positive note NO DISASTERS have yet befell me thank goodness.  

Sassy salmon recipe

Take a filet of salmon (skinless) if not grill on the side of the skin first then remove the skin.

Prepare the honey and mustard topping. 1 spoonful of honey 1 spoonful of mustard mix together

Cote the salmon with the honey and mustard topping

Place under a moderately heated grill and grill until the salmon is firm

Serve with parsley Baked potatoes / rice vegetables of your choice

Serve and enjoy x

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Wonder returns

If only I had wondered… I dreamed about such goings on but no, my absence over the past few days has been as a result of what I had referred to as ‘a cold’, turns out to be have been way more than that. No this is not being dramatised in any way. To say resting my laptop on my lap while I type was actually beyond me is no exaggeration at all. So now you have the long way round a person telling the world (now maybe that is a bit over exaggerated) I had, no have a cold. I know like 11 days and counting since it started, 4 days of antibiotics and still I have a cold and a cough which I think is really starting to irritate everyone in my house but unfortunately not a lot I can do about that and to be honest it’s irritating me way more!!

So having done nothing for like the pass few days I, I decided it was time to get it together.  So after taking the girls to the climbing centre in Manchester , I did some food shopping then decided when I got home I just had to clean the house. It was disgusting. So without so much as a sit down with a coffee and a few paracetamol to numb the pain shooting from my head to my toes and every little muscle in between. I knew if I sat down that would be it I just wouldn’t move. So rummaging through the fridge to discard anything we missed last week which would be out of date. I made a mental not of things I really shouldn’t buy and maybe things I should buy more of when I check the date of the eggs. For some reason eggs are the bug bear,  well one of the bugs bear of my grocery shop. No matter how much I try they always always seem to go out of date aarrrggghhh drives me mad. Anyway as I was saying before I digressed, I found eggs which are almost at their use by date in the course of my reckie. Ok so I’m making a cake, maybe use up the apples and make my legendary apple cake uummm lovely. So now my head throbbing, my list just gets longer. I mentally process how I see my afternoon panning out. Fridge sort out, shopping away, cleaning (a must) whole house definitely. And secretly the hope of that call I was promised from my friend to meet up for a cuppa. Then back to the list call ironing lady, I really can’t face it this week and it would be really nice to have lovely pressed clothes in my wardrobe when I get each morning this week. I justify this with the fact I do have a busy week. More about that later. After calling ironing lady to arrange to drop off ironing, take ironing to ironing lady, she’s very good. Call a my friends drop off her birthday present, it’s only like 3 days late… Come home take a shower, maybe get a call from friend regarding cuppa and finally eat something. And all this was processing through my head as I work my way though my first task. Oh think of something for dinner. It’s hard when I have to cook for others. If it was just me I would maybe just have egg on toast or something. But when you have to cook for others it’s hard to come up with something interesting. You know chicken or fish just doesn’t cut it every day. Or at least you have to try to make it interesting. Let me just tell you there has been nothing interesting about this weeks menu… And for that matter t’s not about to change massively today. Decided chicken pie, roasties and vegetables. Not that bad really I suppose.

So where I am going with this, to be honest I have no idea. I may have to read back what I’ve written so far.

Oh yeah my mental list… I can say with pride I got through my list, almost. Cleanings done, cake baked, iI did eat. shower not yet but will do that after I collect my ironing from the ironing lady. Present dropped into my friend done, call to have a cuppa with other friend never made it but hey never mind. Would have been nice though I suppose.

As promised, my busy week. Again in comparison to how my weeks used to be, not to bad but hey I’d gotten used to being a lady of leisure. This week I’m hosting toddler time stories and promotion for my business all in one a kind of kill two birds with one stone situation. Pick up boys from climbing at 6.30. Try and prepare dinner in the afternoon, think I could be home late. That’s Monday. Then its teaching all day Wednesday. Thursday brings another story session. Then the Social group in the evening. Friday well at the moment the day time is kind of free then meeting friends in the local forone of the guys from the social groups  birthday. At some point must try to touch base with the publisher, need to figure out where we are up too with the book was really hoping it would be available for christmas. We’ll see.

This my friends is the first time I’ve written anything in  quite  a few days. I hadn’t really had the will or the interest or anything really. Think it was my cold but maybe it wasn’t. While I’ve been a little under the weather I did get to thinking about the whole baby thing again. Things like what would I do if I was unwell and on my own with a baby? I figured I don’t have he answers but I don’t doubt I’d figure it out. Things like who would be the person I’d call first in an absolute emergency? Well I don’t have the answer to that either. But again I don’t doubt I would figure it out. The one thing I do know, with absolutely no doubt is I want to be in a position to figure it out. Let’s face it I still had to look after everyone who lives in my house this past week and a half. I host international students who stay with me for a fee in return for bed and board, with a little bit of conversation thrown on. Works well (except when I’m feeling crappy with a cold of course) it helps pay the bills, so I can write more keeps me and my house busy.  It’s all good.   

So now to collect  my ironing from the ironing lady, take a shower then off to bed.

But before  do I thought I would share my apple cake recipe with you

You will need

*2 or 3 cooking apples, sliced

*Lemon juice from 1/2 lemon

*120z (350g) self raising flour

*120z               Caster sugar

*2 teaspoons baking powder

*8oz (225g) butter, I use flora

*1 teaspoon Almond essence

*4 Eggs

*Cake tin approx 30x23cm

Pre heat oven Gas mark 4 or 180

Measure the flour, caster sugar, baking powder place into a mixing bowl

Melt the butter (flora) in a saucepan 

Beat the eggs and almond ess together

When butter (flora) melted mix with flour,caster sugar, baking powder and beaten eggs and almond ess together in the mixing bowl. Mix well.

When smooth pour half the mixture into the cake tin. Place apples in the mixture then pour the rest of the mixture over the apples. Don’t worry if the mixture doesn’t cover all the apples it will spread when baking.

Place in the middle of the oven and bake fo 1 hour 15mins.  

Then enjoy. It’s truly delicious x

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hello hello

I think today is a very short post, not because there isn’t much to write but because I am full of a cold, no it’s not getting any better. That on top of my preparations for my new job tomorrow. I had forgotten how much planning was involved in classroom teaching! But have actually enjoyed my preparations… Am looking forward to my new challenge.

Today I made a visit to my new school. Interesting. Tomorrow could go either way…

Met my friend for a coffee. Boy he is so patient, we arranged a time, I had to move it back due to my school visit, then was late, the visit took longer than anticipated, major traffic jams and road works… Making me a bout 1 hour later than the original time arranged and 20 mins late from the newly agreed time. Not great. I actually hate being late but spend a lot of my life saying “sorry I’m late”. Had a lovely chat, including the interesting chat I ad with another friend last week. Told him about my job, which was the reason for my requesting to meet, given his son attends, my school, thought it was only fair to give him the heads up. Wouldn’t want little to come home saying ” hey da you know that women you know, she’s hanging out at my school”. Could you imagine??

Tried to shop for new clothes, new job, new clothes, right?

Anyway that was not happening my head hurt my cough awful and it was raining after 1 shop I gave up and went home.

Spent the evening preparing for tomorrow and that i it in a nutshell.

Now I’m off to bed to rest my weary head, my aching bones and snotty, (sometimes) blocked (other times) nose in the hope of a good nights sleep, tomorrow is an early start and a long day. so good night for today x

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