where does the time go??

Thursday already… What a week. Possibly the one week in like forever I needed it to be quiet and slow and relaxing. Not a chance!

Having bemoaned the lack of work in my life of late on Monday morning as I lay lazily in bed undecided as to whether to get up or turn over and go back to sleep. Through the hazy blur of half sleep my phone rings out its shrill alert to an incoming call. Thumbling around the floor I spy through squinted eye the caller ID ‘Ranstad’ Ummm do I want to work today? I ask my self. ‘NO WAY’ I assertive resolve canceling the call. Seconds later ping a voice message. Deciding I’d listen to the message again I thumble in search of my phone trying to move as little as possible. I somehow manage to intercept an incoming call. Bugger it’s the agency again!! Next thing I know falling out of bed heading for the bathroom having agreed to be at work in less than an hour. I must be mad. Mind you it’s nearly christmas and the extra cash will most definitely come in handy. The saving surplus is truly running low. I could blame the purchase of my new car but actually that in a way has help the cash flow. Crazy I know. But it has. Had I not needed a new car I wouldn’t have cashed in some investments. Lets face it that’s why we save. For that rainy day. And lets face it I’ve had a few of them.

And so I digress…

Anyway one day lead to the next which took me into my regular work week committment and before and before I know it it’s Thursday, I’m knackered and not a word written all week! I don’t suppose I can include the star charts I found myself making in an attempt to wooo my year 11’s last night. No that really doesn’t count. That was a necessity not an indulgence. Which is how I see my writing. Anyways all this being to tired to tap out a few paragraphs on my blog really does makes me not a happy girl.

Mind you despite my lack of writing time I can honestly say I spent the first two days of the week at a lovely college. A friendly department, lovely kids. OK so they were sixth formers but they were really lovely. Generally hard-working polite and helpful. Which is how I came to be there two days. The first day was so good I couldn’t resist. Mind you I did wonder if my additional work load had had a negative impact on my regular teaching slot. I don’t think it did. I just had a bad day yesterday, so set about questioning how and why. actually the only how and why is kids in high school want to rebel so they do. Nothing else. One of my classes aes an absolute nightmare. How can year 11’s behave so badly? So last night, after speaking with other staff members I set about the production of star charts. Yes star charts for my year 11’s what has the world come to? Mind you if it works who cares!

So here I am in the middle of the day part taking in a little indulgence. I was planning on cooking, cleaning ect… Boring. So still sitting in my pjs ( mind you I have actually been dressed I did the school run went to the bank and called at the grocery shop to pick up a few groceries). It’s so cold outside, so upon my return I opted for snuggly pjs. And in my defence I have baked a cake and cooked a pot of fresh home-made soup. No cleaning as yet tho… It’s on my list. 

It has to be said since my birthday a week ago things in my life seem to be looking up. An increase in work availability, my book should, fingers crossed, be available within the next few days. I feel more relaxed in certain friendships. (I did) Which would have been a good thing.

There is a lot to be said for a few drinks, but do beware of the awful feeling afterwards. When I say a few drinks, I’m not talking drunk or anything like that. That is not good on any level. No, just enough to give you the confidence to ask certain questions. Broach certain issues which been bugging you. Lets face it it takes abit of something to ask certain people in your life certain questions. It’s odd how two people who can talk about almost anything with each other but manage to skirt around issues relating to each other. Well maybe that’s not true maybe its one of  person (me) who doesn’t hear what the other is saying. Not that it was all my not hearing, sometimes I heard loud and clear. And that let me tell you was a real problem! Because after a few drinks you think you’ve overcome certain problems… If only!!

It is this I’m feeling a renewed sence of understanding about. Special friends are hard to come by and sometimes the wires of communication can get entwined twisted and very confused. Which can lead to both parties feeling lost and alone. avoiding each other when they would rather be together. Afraid that any move may infer the wrong inference. So here’s to a few drinks, not to many just enough to boast your confidence. Not that I’m advocating drunken debortory in any way. The key is maintaing control. Just enough to take the edge off. And here’s something I never thought I’d be recommending. And to be honest I don’t, recommend it that is,  I spent the best part of the week knackered,  unsure if this was the alcohol intake or the lack of sleep or maybe the unexpected exercise late into the night!!! I can’t be sure but I’m quite sure the combination all contributed to 1) a sleepy, tired me. 2) A renewed sence of peace once the sleepy tired me came round a little. What I do know is I like it. The renewed sence of peace that is, not the sleepy tired me. 

So here’s to new year filled with calm, peace and happiness. When I look back over the past year my 40th year it was hard, upsetting full of things I’d rather forget. So far my 41st year is looking better. I wonder if this is in preparation for my wonderful year of 2012, as predicted by a close friend earlier this year. So far much of what she predicted has been eerily true. So why wouldn’t the recommendation of success, happiness and dreams coming true be correct.

It’s been a while since I enjoyed writing in the daylight hours. Something I may endeavour to pursue further. There is something oddly comforting about pottering around the house baking, cooking in between updating my blog. Although still no cleaning been done. It’s on my list.

It’s now very late at night and back to my usual can’t sleep self trying to make sense of a world I thought I had finally made sense of. One day I will realise I’ll never make sense of it all. One day. I clearly got a head of myself…again.


About angejay18

I am 40 yrs old and i think could be going through a mid life crisis... but i'm not sure. I enjoy writing and am in the process of publishing my 2nd book
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