what was I going on about ???


I should probably read last nights post before I continue but hey what the heck…

The gist of it just incase the ramblings were just too much, having met a friend for coffee and a chat I discovered she has a friend who is looking for a surrogate, someone to have his baby, the bit which you might not have got is he doesn’t want to be involved!!! He has never had children and I suppose he’s decided he would like his line to carry on… I have to say I have spent so much time thinking about this I can’t tell you. It’s just so bizarre I can hardly believe it. I wish with all my heart I had, had such an offer a few years back. I have to consider it, how can I not. The one and only thing I need to be sure of, well as sure as anyone can be is that I’m going to be ok that I’m going to be around. It would be incredibly selfish to have a child if there is the remotest chance I won’t be a round to see it grow. So I decided, well I think i have decided to speak with my doctor again next week. How cruel a world would it be if delaying my treatment to have another shot at being a mum would cause more problems or worse. So in my head at this moment in time the doctors decision is final, I have to go with what the doctor says. However dealing with my heart might not be quite so straight forward. I can’t deny it’s hard to contain my excitement at the possibilities before me. This could be my last chance.

The weirdest thing is,  I haven’t actually told anyone about this no-one. I will I know me so trust me I will but I don’t know, this is big. I need to have everything sorted in my head before i do. Lets face it I could be running away with this. It may come to nothing but you know what it’s an idea which has been firmly planted in my mind. hey it could work.

Anyway last night now clarified… I hope lets look at today, as I’m sure you were aware last night I was absolutely shattered, seriously unlike me anyway as it happens today I woke up with mother of all colds, sore throat and nasty cough! so I lay for a while desperate to get back to sleep then a knock on the door put paid to that. Tumbling out of bed staggering down stairs I find the postman trying to push, with not a hope of getting it through, taking the package I realise it’s this months magazine which must contain a freebie… Oh well, could have been worse, you just never know. No point going back to bed it’s a lovely cuppa for me. Realising the extent of my cold, every muscle in my body hurts, time to reach for the paracetamol.

Thinking I would have a quiet day on the sofa with the tv, laptop and my book until that was the phone rang. Then I’m peeling myself out of my pjs before heading to the Saturday playgroup with my nephew, who decided playing outside was the best thing ever, well the sun was shining in that autuminal it does at this time of year, the kind of way that it gets in your eyes when you drive but somehow forgets to send any heat rays as it shines, so outside play is fine if only he would do it without myself and his mother outside freezing out there with him, bloody freezing, started with a cold this morning probably end up with Pneumonia by this evening !

Rescued by call from my other sister, whose daughter had hurt her knee while playing football and needed to go to casualty. So off I go leaving my youngset sister at Saturday playgroup. It unlike to be as bad as is being made out but better not say that otherwise I’ll be in trouble again. Some people can get very carried away with things. I’m sure that an ice pack a bit of rest and all wll be well, sore I don’t doubt but a this football can be a bit risky. I figured best to say nothing just go with it while inducing a bit of sympathy along the way. Keeping the peace being my optimum goal these days.

Thankfully upon returning to the Saturday playgroup nephew darling had moved his play indoors and was less demanding on mum to play and more content with his peers. Lovely to see.

Then it was time to do the shopping during which the call to collect injured knee niece from casualty came, so off I go again. Finally the shopping done,before I head home to make the dinner. So much for a quiet day. Oh well least they weren’t at the hospital to long, leaving with a pair of crutches and a follow up appointment it was home for rest and recovery for said niece.

Let’s go for a quiet night instead. Writing my blog watching X factor cozying up on the sofa with my blanket. I can’t believe how much my body aches and my head hurts… 

It looks like the disasters are still coming but somehow I don’t feel quite so rocked by them. I think today I’ve been surrounded by mishap rather than the centre of the mishap, thats definately a step in the right direction. So really disaster is a bit strong… That melodramatic me is creeping back!!! Ok so I have a cold and I have scary decisions to make. I think I’m feeling stronger because I’m feeling some hope.

The question on my mind right now is, Is it ok to talk to the one person I want to talk to about this or do I just try to figure it out myself, I can, of course I can, the question I suppose is, do I want to?  More importantly does he want me to or does he just wish I would bugger off and leave him alone. Tha answer to this I just don’t know. I think for now I should get all the facts maybe even make my decision and then talk.

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About angejay18

I am 40 yrs old and i think could be going through a mid life crisis... but i'm not sure. I enjoy writing and am in the process of publishing my 2nd book
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