What a day. Ending at the Beer festival although given last nights escapeds I decided I should steer clear of the beer! Luckily I don’t actually like beer so it wasn’t like it was any great shakes to be honest. So here I am at the beer festival drinking water. I don’t think I could have even faced a fizzy tonight. Mind you I did compensate this with a lovely portion of chips with lashings of salt and vinegar. UUmmmm lovely.
so all in all a good evening with friends,music, although have to say not the greatest music and chips what more could a girl want?
Today has been a strange strange day. After walking to collect my car from its abandoned stop outside a friends after my one to many drinks at a quiet night out last night I steal myself to prepare for the appointment which could change so much. But ho would have tought the day would turn out as it had.
After what can only be described as terrifying and heart breaking at the hospital I met a friend for a coffee. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about the mornings events. I didn’t want to think about the mornings events let alone talk about it… So meeting a friend for a coffee was a great distraction. I was distracted I talked about everyday stuff, like book sales from the books, plans for the weekend, possible contacts for work, while all the time my mind not fully on the current topic. Until that is the conversation took an unusal turn, “Hows things with all those test” right out of the right field. I was a little taken aback. Even more so when she told me her partner wanted a baby. Where the hell had this come from. “OH” I stuttered. As she continued. It was the wierdest thing I had ever heard. He wants a baby she doesn’t. He just wants to father a child. I knew where this was going. before she said it I knew. my mind in over drive.
After the morning I’d had to be sitting here being offered my last chance.
“We don’t recommend you try aagin to concieve” Given the past history along with the results we have now, It wouldn’t be advisable.”
My brain just wouldn’t function from that point, not great to say the least. Strange thing is when I was in the relationship I had decided I wouldn’t try again, I liked what we had, I didn’t want to spoil what , i thought we had. Loosing a baby is heart wrenching, every time it hurts more, it’s like it breaks a bit of your heart off every time. And I had kind of gotten to the point where I just didn’t want to go through it again. But some how making the decision when you are in control and can if you wish change your mind, it seems easier. But when some one tells you you options are limited well thats a whole new ball game.
If I’m honest,which lets face it I really need to be honest with myself if nothing else.
well the our is late, very late an d my eyes just won’t stay open any longer… Please God my the close into a lon sleep as my head its the pillow as my lovely readers that is where I’m heading off to bed for lovely sleep. A s my mind swims with the strange events of the day. I just can’t fight it anymore.